Teaching children ways for dealing with their anger is difficult because it can be hard to know when your child will get angry again. As much as possible, use the time between angry outbursts to discuss and practice how to deal with anger.

There are 5 important parts to teaching anger management. They are:

1. Practice a substitute behavior. You and your child should practice a substitute behavior to use when he is about to get angry. Some ideas include counting, counting backwards, visualizing a peaceful scene or a stop sign, or blowing pretend bubbles. Blowing pretend bubbles is a good one to start with because it is so easy and encourages your child to take long, slow breaths. You can practice blowing real bubbles (using a bubble solution) and imaginary bubbles (pretending you are blowing bubbles by holding your hand up to your mouth as though it were the bubble wand). Encourage your child to use the substitute behavior the instant he begins to feel frustrated or upset. Find a time each evening when you and your child can practice for about 2 to 3 minutes.
2. Reward. Sit down with your child and figure out some rewards that he can earn by practicing the exercises (on a daily basis) and when he uses the exercises when frustrated or angry. Don’t skip the rewards – rewards are essential to the success of anger management in children.
3. Give examples. Try to think of times when you deal effectively with your own stress and point these out, very briefly, to your child. Tell your child your what you do to control your anger as an example as to how your child could deal with a similar situation. It is also important that your child see you successfully deal with your own anger.
4. Encourage using the exercises. When your child starts to get upset, briefly encourage him or her to practice the bubble blowing exercises (or other substitute behavior). Only prompt your child once. Do not continue to bother your child about using the exercises. The sooner you prompt your child, the easier it will be for him to try it. If you wait until your child loses control, the exercises probably will not help.
5. Avoid arguments and discipline consistently. Avoid arguing with your child. Everybody loses when there is an argument. Don’t allow yourself to get drawn into negotiations. Doing so only makes it harder for you to avoid getting angry. You need to set a good example and deal with your child in a quiet, matter-of-fact manner. When you need to discipline your child, try to stay with your normal method of discipline (for example, time-outs). Don’t suddenly change your method because you are angry or because you don’t want your child to get angry.

Because these skills are difficult to learn, and they are so very important, practice them with your child for 100 days in a row. And, remember, the sooner a child notices that he or she is starting to get angry, the easier it is to do the exercises and the more effective the exercises will be.

The more you work on teaching these skills and the less you have to do with your child when he is angry, the quicker your child will learn to deal with his own anger. Once a child has learned to deal with his anger, he won’t need nearly as much help with it.